The College Hierarchy

The Dean...

• Leaps tall buildings in a single bound;
• Is more powerful than a locomotive;
• Is faster than a speeding bullet;
• Walks on water;
• Gives policy to God.

Head of Department...

• Leaps short buildings with a single bound;
• Is more powerful than a switch engine;
• Is just as fast as a speeding bullet;
• Takes a few steps on water;
• Talks with God.

Professor...

• Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds;
• Is almost as powerful as a switch engine;
• Is faster than a speeding BB;
• Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool;
• Talks with God if a special request is honored.

Associate Professor...

• Barely clears a quonset hut;
• Loses tug of war with a locomotive;
• Can fire a speeding bullet;
• Swims well;
• Is occasionally addressed by God.

Lecturer...

• Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap over tall buildings;
• Is run over by locomotives;
• Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury;
• Treads water.

Instructor...

• Climbs walls continually;
• Rides the rails;
• Plays Russian Roulette;
• Walks on thin ice;
• Prays a lot.

Graduate Student...

• Runs into buildings;
• Recognizes locomotives two out of three times;
• Is not issued ammunition;
• Can stay afloat with a life jacket;
• Talks to walls.

Undergraduate Student...

• Falls over the doorstep when trying to enter buildings;
• Says "Look at the choo-choo";
• Wets himself with a water pistol;
• Plays in mud puddles;
• Mumbles to himself.